10 Reasons Why Steroids Don't Suck

This time of year, the internet is chock full of Top 10 Lists: the best of the year in music, TV, movies, viral videos, and more. While it would be much easier to write a Top 10 List of reasons why having Addison's Disease and Hashimoto's Disease sucks, I am challenging myself to think of 10 Reasons Steroids Why Don't Suck.

I read a book this year called "The Magic". It's all about different ways to integrate gratitude into your daily life. It's a great book and I can't recommend it highly enough. It is meant to be read a chapter a day, giving you a new way each day to practice gratitude.

One of the days, the writer asks the reader to think of a relationship they struggle with and then write down 10 reasons to be grateful for said relationship. The idea behind this being that if you focus on a person's positives, you might forget all the ways they are driving you bat-shit crazy. I tried it and it worked pretty well for me. I still have people in my life that drive me nuts, but hey, that's what family is for.

I crankily got out of bed today and considered writing a long post about how much steroids suck and how tired I am and how my upper chest and neck have broken out in hives for the millionth time this year. I'm down to 5mg of Prednisone in the morning and 2.5 in the afternoon today. It's my first day on such a low dose and I would have given good money to stay in bed all day. I am just exhausted. I know my body just needs time to adjust from the super dose of 25mg I was on. But it still sucks. I have a to-do list a mile long, family starts arriving tomorrow for Christmas, and I just want to crawl in bed and hide. Oh, and did I mention I am also bottle-feeding two orphaned kittens?

OK, this is starting to sound like that long, complaining post I promised not to write. 

As a practice of gratitude, and with the hopes of changing my stinky attitude towards these medications, here are 10 Reasons Why Steroids Don't Suck:

10. FAKE DRAMATIC STORIES: "oh, those are claw marks from when I was attacked by a bear. I don't mean to brag, but I won that fight" sounds so much cooler than "those are giant, angry, red, stretch marks caused by steroids". Also works for the excessive bruises you accumulate from things like people hugging you too hard or a feather falling from the sky and grazing your arm.

9. NO WRINKLES because when you get "moon face" and grow a double chin from the swelling steroids cause, it's pretty much impossible to have wrinkles on your face too. I'm almost 33 and I am totally wrinkle free.

8. BUILT-IN TRAVEL PILLOW in the form of the "buffalo hump", aka the extra fat deposit between your back shoulders.

7. BIG(GER) BOOBS. Enough said. Sorry, men on steroids. You're welcome, men in general.

6. Along the same lines, EXTRA PADDING when you sit on on uncomfortable chairs or couches. Steroids provide an extra layer of cushion between your bones and the seat.

5. IGNORING ANNOYING PEOPLE is a lot easier when you gain 50 lbs and they aren't sure if it's you or not. Just make eye contact, show no sign of recognition, and keep walking. 9 times out of 10, they'll assume it wasn't you.

4. GREAT WARDROBE from your weight changing so often. When a friend of any size needs to borrow something, you have them covered (pun intended...and pretty lame).

3. POP CULTURE CONNOISSEUR because lots and lots of time to read and watch everything as you are hospitalized, put on bed rest, call in sick to work, or feel too fatigued to get out of bed, at least once a month.

2. You quickly learn who your REAL FRIENDS are. The ones who understand when you have to cancel at the last minute and don't make you feel even worse. The ones who aren't shocked when you are "sick again" (note: chronic illness means I am always sick. Duh.), the ones who call even though you were too tired to text them back, the ones who will drive you to the ER in the middle of the night to save you yet another ambulance bill. Sure, it sucks when people you thought were forever friends turn out to only like you on your "good days". But you are better off without them in your life. And the people who step up, or step into your life, more than make up for ones you lose.

1. Of course, the number 1 reason steroids don't suck and the reason we all take them every day: STEROIDS KEEP ADDISONIANS ALIVE. That's a pretty awesome thing. Modern medicine allows me to live. And for that, I could not be more grateful.

Thanks, steroids. I wouldn't be here without you.

Still, it took all day to think of 10 nice things to say about you. 

Love,

an Addison alien